Sunday, November 6, 2011

Rash Decision #981: Always check the cushion cracks

Joe Student finished up his assignment and closed his book. He look around at his classmates struggling to finish their assignment. He shook his head in disgust. It's not like it was a difficult assignment. Hell, he didn't even read the entire act and was still able to answer the questions.  What to do? What to do?  He spotted the newest addition to the reading corner: a low slung, red and black vinyl confection of a chair complete with a forest green foot stool. Perfect for slouching down in and doing nothing. 

As Joe settled himself in he felt his pen slip out of his pocket. Reaching down into the crack between the cushion and the arm he found his pen and brushed his fingers against something slick.  Hmm... what do we have here?  An old receipt... some candy wrappers....another receipt for gas....

"Mrs. B?  Where'd you get this chair?"

She looked up from her correcting.  "Oh, I bought it a garage sale. My neighbor was moving and I talked her down to $2 for both the chair and the ottoman. Is it comfortable?"

Joe laughed. "Yeah, it's comfortable, but there's a ton of stuff shoved down in the crack.  Look, I just pulled out an old airplane ticket."

"I guess I should have checked it before I brought it to school," replied Mrs.B. "I think it was in my neighbor's daughter's room. She didn't want to take it to college with her."

Joe student continued fishing around in the crack for other "goodies."  By now, a couple of his friends had turned around in their seats to see what Joe would pull out next.

Joe stuck his hand down in the corner. His finger found a hole along the seam. If he could just wiggle a few fingers in, he could reach into the inside of the chair. Who knows what he would find? Maybe he'd get lucky and find a dollar or something. He was a little thirsty and could use a Gatorade from the vending machine. His fingers brushed up against something that definitely wasn't the smooth vinyl or soft, worn cotton of the chair. It was soft-ish,  a little scratchy, and ...stretchy?  He wiggled his fingers and was able to hook one of his fingers into a loop of the material. Slowly he pulled whatever it was out.

"Aaagh! Gross!"

The entire class whipped their heads around. "What?" " What is it?" " What'd you find?"  Joe's friends roared with laughter.  Mrs. B. came running over. There on the floor, pooled in the spot it landed in after Joe's quick launch, was an old crumpled pair of black lace panties.

Moral of the story: Unless you want this to be the story your students will always remember about you, CHECK USED FURNITURE FOR UNDERWEAR!


  1. OH MY GOSH. This literally made me burst out laughing. I had to read this to Marshall :) Bet you'll always check your furniture again!!! bwahahahahaha!

  2. This is hysterical! I'm a former teacher and can just imagine this happening in my classroom!Thank you so much for linking up your lovely projects at Get Schooled Saturday. We will be open for business again Friday night-Sunday night!
    Kim @ Too Much Time